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Paradise Hotel

Seriously, who are the brainiacs that keep coming up with these awesome new television shows time and time again? Just when you think that they can’t come up with any more great ideas, they go and raise the bar even higher. My new favourite show is an edge-of-your seater called Paradise Hotel. If you haven’t seen it you’re really missing out. I’m not sure but I think it’s on every single night of the week, or maybe it just seems like that. Anyways, it’s nothing short of genius in its originality. Let me paint the picture for you. What you basically have is a group of 10-12 twenty-something year old boys and girls that all live in a luxurious hotel, or house or something, in some tropical part of the world. They hang out and play games and waste time and we get to watch it all because there are TV cameras in the house and following them around while they act like idiots. You can only imagine the relationship drama that takes place, the emotional highs and lows of the contestants, and the hilarious antics of these complex personalities! And then, as if it wasn’t dramatic enough, every week one person will get kicked off the show until I presume there is only one person left who is then the winner. I’m not sure if they have to win some competition to stay on or if people are voted off, but either way it’s very tense. Just imagine, people are living their ”real” lives in this fake setting and we are lucky enough to get to watch it all (after editing of course). I mean, outside of Big Brother, Real World, Survivor, and about 100 other shows like that, have you ever heard of such cutting edge television?
Another classic in the making is called Bonde Söker Fru. (Farmer searching for a wife). What you have here is one single guy and a group of single women who are competing for the chance to marry him. Now, I know this may remind you of The Bachelor, Average Joe, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire or one of the hundreds of others, but this one is different. It’s not like any of those other shows because this guy is a farmer! That makes it unique.
These are just two of the many quality TV shows here in Sweden that you can waste your evenings on. And when these gems finally run their course don’t worry, I’m certain there will be more garbage to take their place.

12 Days of Swedish Christmas

On the twelfth day of Jul my Swedish love gave to me: (feel free to sing along)

Twelve jars of sill (pickled herring)

Eleven Lussekatter (saffron bread)

Ten Triss lottos

Nine cups of glögg (Christmas wine)

Eight boxes of Marabou Paradis (chocolates)

Seven Saint Lucias

Six Julbords (Christmas meals)

Five golden shots of schnapps

Four Advent candles

Three Årets Julklapp (Years Christmas gift which this year is some mattress with plastic spike kind of things on it.)

Two Amaryllis flowers

And Donald Duck on TV

Sweden Is Nicer In The Summer

For some reason people here seem to be obliged to tell you that Sweden is nicer in the summer. It’s rare that a day will go by when somebody won’t make this revelation to me. Like they are opening my eyes to some profound truth. We’re walking along in the drizzly rain, it’s 3 degrees celsius, haven’t seen the sun in 3 weeks and they say ”Yeah, Sweden is much nicer in the summer”. Thank you Captain Obvious! I never would have imagined that a country that lies north of the 56th parallel, and partially within the Arctic Circle, would experience a more favourable climate in the summer. Isn’t the majority of the world nicer in the summertime? They tell me this knowing that I come from Canada. In the area I come from at the time of print it is -40 degrees celsius, so I am somewhat familiar with the whole deal of having not quite as beautiful weather during the winter months. This isn’t a phenomenon strictly related to Sweden. The Swedes are almost apologetic about the weather. ”You really should come here in the summer, it’s a lot nicer then. This is a summer town”. Every town here is a ”summer town”. I have also been made aware the fact that here in Sweden, in the winter, the length of time during the day in which the sun shines is shorter than in the summer. In fact, in the northern part of Sweden, there can be hardly any daylight in the winter, whereas in the height of summer it doesn’t get dark. This helpful information for those of us that missed that day of 5th grade science. We all get it. It’s nicer in the summer. This is normal.

Trains In Sweden

Spending a good part of the day today riding the rails through southern Sweden. Great way to travel….comfortable, no traffic to deal with, see the countryside, I got internet on this thing, I can buy food…top notch. And if I was going to drive it would cost me just as much for gas. Too bad we don’t have better train systems in North America. I know they’re alright some places but you can get pretty much anywhere by train here. I don’t own a car here and I seldom miss it. Just a bike and a train pass. You can even bring your dog on the train if you want. Be aware of that, if you’re looking for some peace and quiet on your trip don’t sit in the dogs allowed section. On the first leg of my journey today I felt like I was at Michael Vicks place. Two mutts brawling in the aisle for forty minutes. No one seemed to mind.

November Fart of the Month

This months featured fart is the Utfart, or Outfart, meaning exit, in particular where you drive your car out of someplace. This should be an easy one to remember given the fact that whether you are thinking in english or swedish, an outfart is going to represent some sort of an exit. The utfart is a common thing and something that most people encounter daily, however not everyone is comfortable with using them, or with how others use them. Misuse of the utfart can lead to a messy situation, so as with most forms of fart, caution is the key. As we discussed last month regarding the farthinder, fart can be a very good and useful thing as long as it’s used in the appropriate manner and location. It should not be used carelessly and that is why you see so many various signs instructing us on how to use and manage fart. The utfart is no exception. One cannot just fart ut any place one chooses. Rather you should only fart ut in designated utfart locations, otherwise it can lead to chaos and property damage as well as put the health of others at risk. Try farting ut in the wrong place and and you are sure to annoy if not anger someone and maybe even get a ticket. It can be rather uncomfortable and even stressful when you need to utfart but cannot find the place to do it, however utfarts are usually clearly posted so this is seldom a problem. There is a clear need to regulate utfart and I feel these signs are are a responsible use of tax money. Remember to look both ways and make sure the coast is clear before you decide fart ut, because once you commit to it there’s no stopping.

Swedish Pizza

In a word…not that good. But at least it’s easy to find. Based on the number of pizza restaurants here, I think it’s more popular in Sweden than it is in Italy or Chicago. If you want to know the population of a town, all you have to do is count up the number a pizza joints they have there. The ratio seems to be roughly 1 pizza establishment per 1,000 people. For example, the town I live in has about 20,000 people and boasts no less than 20 pizza places, and this seems to be a pretty average proportion across the board. Quite a high density considering the quality of the product. The menus at these pizza places feature about 800 choices, but among those I have yet to find a pepperoni pizza. Or sausage. I always thought of pepperoni as the common go-to pizza choice but apparently not here. However, if you are pregnant or maybe high on something and are craving a shrimp, banana, peanut, jalapeno, mussle and egg pizza with a curry sauce you are sure to be able to find that. I did have a Hawaiian pizza the other day but that was kind of weird too. Instead of big slices of ham and little chunks of pineapple, it had a few tiny slivers of ham and two huge pineapple circles in the middle. So four of the bites were entirely pineapple and the rest had none. Hardly any sauce or cheese but it did come with one of those thrilling ”pizza salads” which is like some kind of cole slaw or something with a lot of vinegar. And why would you ever cut the pizza into slices? That would just be silly. And it doesn’t appear that the pizza box manufacturers have ever had a dialogue with the people who make and sell pizza. Maybe that’s because, well let’s just say that there could often be a language barrier. But in any case, if a standard size pizza here is a 14”, then the standard size box is made for a 12” because they never fit. The sides of the pizza are always folded up to fit in the box. I’d be lying if I said I missed Dominos but I could sure go for a deep dish Chicago style with extra sauce (pizza sauce I mean) that was cut into slices and served with a cold beverage that maybe even had ice cubes in it.